Whether at a conference, in class, or at a training event, I have always enjoyed meetings and talking with counselors of all levels of experience. But there are some who my heart goes out to even more. I might call them “one-of-one” counselors, meaning they may be the only biblical counselor in their church, town, or county. These courageous souls have been personally transformed by the ministry of God’s word in their own life. Many were transformed in their marriages, parenting, and living their lives for God, when they heard biblical counseling teaching. This led them to pursue more training and get their ACBC certification. They wanted to share all that God was teaching them, to help those in their churches and families with the Word of God in its sufficient power. Some of these counselors, new to this type of ministry, found themselves to be the only ones in their church and community. They did not have easy access to biblical support from resources such as a counseling ministry center, a church, or even a pastor who actively counsels.
The “one-of-one” counselors whom I met, had questions about all sorts of counseling issues. How to know if someone was saved? What if they are not finishing their homework and how do I know if they are done or need to be let go because they were not changing? But often this devoted counselor would be overwhelmed, even anxious, not because of the person that sat across from them in the counseling room, but because of the depth and tangle of sorrow and sadness of the web of troubles in the counselee’s life. The counselee came to this brave one-of-one counselor, because they needed help, needed something to change because they could not function in their daily life because they were deeply hurt and even confessed sinful responses to their pain. The compassionate, yet overwhelmed counselor found themselves filled with doubt, thinking “Could the word of God and their training be sufficient?” “Do I know what I am doing?” Then as they reflected on their counsel, they are humbly aware or have the feelings, “I am the only one who can help? Who else will help me? What do I do?”
Oh! Praise God, the truth in those situations is that He is always with us, the true and only Wise Counselor. We are never truly one-of-one in the counseling room! But when you are one-of-one, sitting with this dear counselee, it can feel overwhelming, and you may doubt your training, the word of God, and even whether you can offer help. Who do you call for backup? Where can you go when you're the only one and are possibly new to the counseling room? How do you know what is needed? One-of-one counselors can trust God to help them in their ministry of the Word. God’s word has answers and He is faithful. “One-of-one” counselor, you can know this promise for you:
No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful; he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it. So then, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. (1 Corinthians 10:13-14, emphasis added)
God will not abandon you in the counseling room. He will provide help and comfort so that you can be a comfort to your counselee (2 Corinthians 1:4).
In this blog, my goal is to give hope to the “one-of-one” counselor. Hope that sees how God has given you all the resources you will need to bring Him glory and to love others. The counsel I offer here may sound familiar to what you have heard in the past, as it stems from your training as a biblical counselor, God’s sufficient Word, and the universal church. God has equipped you to love God and others by the power of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, the local church, and the church universal. I will offer four reminders that bring hope for the “one-of-one” counselor.
1. Remember Why We Counsel
Without God’s counsel, humans are lost. Since the beginning, humans have needed God’s word to know their purpose and how to flourish in God’s design for their lives (Genesis 1:26). It is by His word that we know how to counsel (2 Timothy 3:16). People who are hurting suffer because of sin in the world, because of oppression of others, and from sin in their own lives. God’s word gives the only solution to their problems, and it is through the ministry of the word that we come along side one another. Our Creator and Father has given us all we need in His Word, through His Son and the Holy Spirit to bring about renewal, restoration, and reconciliation in the lives of our counselees. The goal of the biblical counselor is to:
… proclaim him, warning and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ. (Colossians 1:28, emphasis added)
This reminder helps the “one-of one “counselor because it brings a bigger goal, a greater purpose to God’s word. The biblical counselor has a greater goal than helping the counselee find happiness or get back to normal. God’s counsel directs the counselee to His original design for their life, the comfort of the truth of His presence in their suffering and true change at the root of their desires for His glory. No other counseling model or method found in man’s design can offer this hope! The “one-of-one” counselor counsels because they can have confidence in God’s design for man and His plan to redeem those who are lost. When the “one-of-one” counselor remembers why they counsel, they can have hope for an eternal purpose in God’s ways.
2. Remember the Basics
The “one-of-one” counselor can often feel overwhelmed when trauma, abuse, deep wounds, complex issues, and histories are presented in the counseling room. The counselor can get caught up in the stories and information and find themselves wondering if they have enough training or knowledge to help. In biblical counseling, there is hope and comfort for the counselor in practicing and applying the foundational principles in the counseling room. These key elements are faithful truths that will help them stay grounded to God’s sufficient word where the method and the counsel come from the word. This is hopeful because even the biblical counseling method of counseling comes out of scripture and not from the heart of man. As the “one-of-one” counselor unpacks the depth of these more challenging topics, they can put their hope in God’s ways and trust His love for the counselee.
Each counselee comes into the counseling room with questions, like “Can you help me?” and “Do you care?” It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, to open up to a stranger, and to reveal their deepest fears and hidden experiences. When the “one-of-one” counselor practices these key principles, the goal should be to reveal God’s character as well as His love and power through the gospel. Counselees need to see what Jesus is like through their interaction with their counselor.
The following key elements in counseling are essential in offering Christ-centered care for the counselee and hope for the counselor:
1. Build Loving Involvement - Get to know the counselee by asking questions to understand their life, from birth to now, so that the counselee feels heard. Especially regarding the hard things. A favorite expression I’ve heard that gives a picture of biblical counseling is “getting into the casket”. Loving the counselee means understanding what it feels like to be in their pain. One way the “one-of-one” counselor can do this is to repeat back how the counselees life experience make them feel. Saying something like “as I am listening to your story, I feel so… (sad, fearful, anxious or overwhelmed) I am so sorry that this happened.” As the counselor experiences just a part of the counselees pain, they are emulating Christ who understands our pain, yet never sinned (Hebrews 4:15-16), and can then create an environment of hope that conveys God's love to them. The counselor is to incarnate the love of Christ, and to bear their burdens (Ephesians 4:15, 1 Thessalonians 2:7-9, Matthew 22:37-40). This principle gives hope to the overwhelmed counselor because they are sharing Christ’s love, which is not like the world’s.
2. Share Biblical Hope – Biblical hope is the transformative hope found in the Gospel. Biblical hope is defined as a confident expectation of a guaranteed outcome that changes how you live. When the counselor shares this kind of hope, it is transferred to the counselor as well. Hope is so important in counseling. Even in the deepest hurt, God can comfort and redeem. His eternal promises are true and the counselor gets to help the counselee set their sights on Him. The “one-of one” counselor can offer no greater hope than that found in His Word: Christ’s sacrifice and promises and a relationship with God.
3. Gather Data - This is crucial as it involves asking questions and seeking to understand the counselee and what is happening in their life. The counselor must listen closely to the patterns of their counselees life choices, influences from their family background, experiences, emotional responses, and relationships throughout their life (Proverbs 18:13; 1 Corinthians 2:11). Most importantly, the counselor needs to gather data to understand how they see God in their life and their situation. The counselor has the opportunity to reflect God’s character by how they seek to know their counselee. God hears and God sees the counselee and the counselor. God knows them better than the counselor and they can trust Him as they seek to love the counselee.
4. Evaluate the Problem Biblically - The wise counselor is praying to see the counselee biblically, as God’s image bearer, sufferer, and sinner who may be a saint. They are evaluating the counselee based on patterns of behavior, experiences, choices, beliefs, and thinking that the data reveal. What do they observe are their greatest desires in conflict and in relationships? Using the data, the “one-of-one” counselor can begin to piece together more specific questions, homework, understanding of their life. This gives the “one-of-one” counselor hope that they are seeking to understand their counselee and to untangle the complexities of their life. The counselor does not need to know everything or to move fast. They can give biblical comfort to the counselee in their suffering while continuing to understand and get more help regarding their situation so they can love them best. This takes off the pressure to fix and know everything right now and the counselor can humbly love their counselee.
5. Provide Biblical Instruction – Counsel that is biblical is going to involve teaching and training. While the counselor may be growing in understanding their counselees suffering, they can take them to the scriptures to study God’s heart for those who suffer and seek to see God’s character so they can learn to trust Him. The counselor can start by offering biblical instruction with what God’s word says about their problem, their suffering, the desires of their heart, and their own sin. The counselee needs to know the depth of God’s love and compassion toward them, and the counselor can offer this comfort by saying: “These things you have been sharing with me are hard, really hard and I am sorry this has happened. I want to understand you and your situation best and offer God’s care, so I am continuing to study or seek additional resources to help me apply God’s word. I want you to know that God sees you and He hears you when you cry. I have heard you and I see your pain.” A conversation like this can help connect the counselor by “getting into the casket and bring Jesus with them.”
6. Apply Practical “Homework” - There is no magic to the counseling room, or the “one-of-one’s” counsel. The work is done when the counselee is working out their faith in real time. So give clear, practical homework that helps the counselee seek their God-given goal —to love God and love others. They need to work on the things you are instructing them in counseling. These things could include directed bible study, memorizing important verses, or specific journaling exercises to see the heart and understand situations. This homework will help the “one-of -one” counselor to understand the counselee and their situation better. Together you can learn more about their problems and God’s ways.
These key elements are helpful to go back to again and again so the counselor can see God’s purposes and truth. This can give us hope as our foundation is the Rock of Christ and not the shaky soil of our own understanding.
3. Remember: God has given us the Church, the Body of Christ.
One of the beautiful aspects of biblical counseling is that we have more than just the counselor to provide help. God has given us the “one another’s”, those who are His church, to come around the counselee. As their counselor, you can accompany them to church and help them join a small group or find a mentor. They may have practical needs, such as housing issues, childcare, and other physical necessities. The church is Jesus' hands and feet, showing them the love and care He offers. It is hopeful and comforting to know that the counselor is not the only one who can help their suffering counselee. The counselee needs to see that the church is a place of community and God’s family. The counselor has a powerful resource for revealing God’s love through the church.
4. Remember, God’s Word Is Sufficient, but We Still Need to Be Growing In It
Praise the LORD, God’s word is sufficient for all of life and godliness, for the problems of life. His word and His ways are perfect. God is perfect in all his attributes including his omniscience and omnipresence. These truths are so hopeful as we all struggle to understand ourselves and each other and our situations. There is only One who is all knowing and it is not us. But God has revealed everything we need to know to worship and obey Him. That can give the “one-of-one” hope to counsel, even in the unknown.
Although the scriptures are sufficient, the biblical counselor must be growing in their own self-counsel. It is essential to grow in knowing humans, the problems that plague our culture, our churches, and our families and to understand God’s answers to these. As Christians, we must guard our lives. We need to keep short accounts with the LORD and seek to honor and love God most in every area of our lives (Ephesian 6:10-17; Galatians 6:1-2).
As the “one-of-one” counselor ask yourself the following:
· In what areas do you need to grow?
· Is it your competence to learn how to listen to your counselee better and ask good questions to draw out their heart?
· Do you need to build your community with your sisters and brothers in Christ? Or connect with your pastors to find out where help is available in your community and church.
· Are you struggling to know where to turn in the Bible to find the fullness of answers and hope?
· Do you need to work on your walk with the Lord? Areas of sin or suffering? Prayer? Emotions? Relationships? Faithfulness?
The unsure, “one-of-one” counselor must come back time and again to the truths of God’s word that shore up their knowledge, sharpen their character, and humble them with God’s amazing grace. They must be dependent upon the true Counselor, the Helper in prayer and obedience to His word. Though the Word of God is sufficient the counselor is not sufficient. You are dependent on Christ, the Holy Spirit, and the church to give biblical counsel.
Recommended Applications for the One-Of-One Counselor
The continued growth in the scriptures and understanding of human problems is essential for counselors to grow and to serve counselees well. Here are some ways the “one-of-one” counselor can seek more training and teaching and grow in their own Christian Walk while counseling in their venue:
· See if there is another Association of Certified Biblical Counselors-trained biblical counselor near you that you could network with. Visit the ACBC website to find additional counselors.
o Contact ACBC to ensure you understand your counseling covenant responsibilities as an ACBC-certified counselor.
o Could another veteran supervise your complex counseling case to help you solve problems and learn more?
· Talk with your pastor about resources in your church and community as well as for accountability in your counseling.
· Connect with a training center in a nearby area. Find a counselor there who has experience in the area you are learning to grow.
· Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry offers numerous online courses and tracks. Continue to grow in those topics.
o Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries
· Both the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and Faith Biblical Counseling Ministries have blogs and podcasts that offer help for biblical counselors.
o Resources - Association of Certified Biblical Counselors
o Faith Biblical Counseling Blogs
· Seek out biblically vetted resources regarding your topic. Faith Resources offers a variety of published resources, including books and booklets, as well as MP3 recordings of training sessions on various issues for purchase.
· Continue education by taking more biblical counseling classes through Faith Biblical Counseling Ministry or a Master of Biblical Counseling from Faith Bible Seminary
o Biblical Counseling Training Conference
· Be in community in your church. Continue studying scripture, find a mentor or accountability partner, and actively work on your own self-counsel.
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash