Colossians 3:23-24 - “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
As counselors, we should want our counselees to take Colossians 3:23-24 to heart because the Bible has a lot to say about being intentional with our lives in whatever we do. Through the counseling process, we have the privilege of helping counselees grow in personal discipline by teaching a biblical worldview and seeking wisdom from Scripture for every area of life. It takes intentionality on our part, though, to teach why and how to continue growing in self-discipline.
During counseling, being intentional can often be “easier” for those we counsel because they rely on us to guide and direct them. We assign them homework and give them goals to work towards in different areas of understanding God, their relationship to others, and in their struggles with sin. While all of this is important in helping a counselee apply biblical truth and wisdom to their lives, we should also make sure that we are teaching them correct heart motivations for being self-disciplined and demonstrate practical ways they can set their own goals. We want to equip them and set them up for continued spiritual growth and deepness of relationship with the Lord after they leave counseling.
I always want the ladies I counsel to understand that in light of eternity and the forgiveness we’ve received through Jesus Christ, we have no option but to seek to live intentionally for Him. Emphasizing the call to obedience that overflows from a heart of gratitude helps counselees see the right heart motivation that produces a disciplined life. I want the rest of this post to highlight some of the truths of our salvation that guide our pursuit of self-discipline, and then I’ll share one of the many practical ways we can teach goal-setting in the counseling process.
Eternal Truths Motivate Us Now
To start, let’s look at three simple truths from Scripture that highlight why we should live intentionally here on earth:
1. In light of eternity, we need to recognize our days are limited
Psalm 90:12 - “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Our days on this earth are limited, and each one is a gift from God. One day we must give an account to God our Savior for how we spent our lives, so we should truly want to grow in living a life worthy of the gospel of grace we’ve experienced (Romans 14:12; Ephesians 4:1).
2. In light of eternity, we should be clothing ourselves with Christ
Romans 13:14 - “…clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.”
We can challenge the people we counsel to grow in how to “clothe” themselves with Christ, rather than gratifying their flesh. As a believer, we must be purposeful in how we spend our time and fill our minds so that we grow in producing the fruit of the Spirit and not of the flesh (Galatians 5:22-26).
3. In light of eternity, we must strive to run our race well
1 Corinthians 6:24-27 - “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”
Passages like this demonstrate how preparation and self-discipline are necessary for the believer, as they paint a picture of continuing to work towards the process of sanctification and the goal of becoming more like Christ.
We should help our counselees start setting their own goals for different areas of their lives, in order to produce the fruit of the Spirit so that they can give a good account of their lives to the Lord one day. Helping a counselee evaluate their schedule and priorities in light of these verses is one very practical way we can walk with them in evaluating how disciplined they currently are. We must also emphasize the need to ask the Holy Spirit to move in us and work in our hearts to give us the ability to change and grow in this area. God is faithful to change our desires from pursuing the things of the flesh to wanting to grow in our knowledge of God’s Word and in taking care of the responsibilities He’s given us.
SMART Goals in Counseling
After reflecting on the truths above as right motivations for personal growth, I now want to share about how we can teach goal-setting in the counseling room. I have found that many people fall into one of two camps when setting goals—the “all in” or the “all out” ditches. What I mean is that we either set so many goals and make so many plans, that when we don’t accomplish those goals, we feel like failures. The person who falls in this ditch may have a heart longing for control. Then there are those who just “let go and let God” and don’t try to set goals at all. That ditch might be reflecting a heart that loves ease and comfort and has no desire to be pushed or to grow. We should help counselees identify what idols of the heart may be lurking behind the way they view goals and self-discipline.
After working through a counselee’s heart regarding goals, we can then teach wise goal-setting. Did you ever learn about SMART goals in high school or college? If not, here’s a quick summary as to what each letter in the acronym stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Basically, setting a SMART goal means you are being, well, smart about it. You’re not setting too high of a goal that cannot really be achieved (at least not right away), and you’re not making it overly complicated or intense. The examples that Jesus uses in Luke 14:28-32 help demonstrate God-honoring ways to approach SMART, or wise, goal-setting.
I have found this SMART framework helpful and encouraging for my counselees when I start walking them through setting their own goals for counseling homework. For example, I’ll have a lady I’m counseling set simple goals when it comes to Bible memory or daily Bible study. Maybe the goal is to memorize one verse per month, or to just read a chapter a day from Scripture to reflect on. I try to meet these women where they are, and I help them see that starting small is the foundation for building habits of being in the Word or in prayer. I emphasize how these goals and assignments are NOT meant to be legalistic rituals, but a way that we can encourage and challenge ourselves to keep growing.
Grace and Trust
We as counselors can use goal-setting practice as an opportunity to remind our counselees to have grace for whenever they “fail” or don’t meet the standards they’ve set. God has lavished His endless grace on us who believe in Christ Jesus, and not completing one or two (or even fifty!) goals can never negate that if we rest in Him and continuously turn back to the Cross for help and growth. There will be setbacks and disappointment when goals seem unreachable, but passages like Romans 8:5-11 are so helpful to show God’s powerful work in us and for us. Ultimately, He is the One able to cause any goal or plan we make to succeed or fail.
Proverbs 16:1-3, 9 - “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue. All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans…In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
These verses adequately address two aspects of planning and setting goals that we should keep in mind when discussing how to do so with counselees:
1) God is ultimately in control over all things
2) Our plans and the motive behind them matter
Similarly in the New Testament, James talks about holding onto our plans lightly, seeking to do something if the Lord wills it (James 4:13-15). Neither Proverbs nor James says, “don’t plan at all.” Instead, we must realize that as we plan, we cannot hold onto our goals and desires as our ultimate hope. That is found only in God’s perfect plan, trusting Him to work out all the details.
I have seen many of the women I counsel grow in self-discipline and in confidence that they can keep growing spiritually by sharing these truths and practical steps. It’s such a joy to see them leave counseling with greater confidence and trust in the Lord, understanding the work of His Spirit in their lives that enable them to continue growing. It’s a gift to come alongside and help counselees understand that through God’s mighty power we can attain the “ultimate” goal of becoming more like Christ. Our hope is not in growing in self-discipline alone, but in the power of God’s Word that has saved us and will continue sanctifying us until we meet our Savior face to face. I hope and pray these principles will be an encouragement and challenge for those you counsel to see that they are able to change and keep growing in all areas of life by the power of God living in them.
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