I suspect all who read this article believe that “words matter.” Proverbs 18:19 says “Life and Death is in the power of the tongue.” James 3 uses the metaphors of a spark, a bit, and a rudder to show how something small can control large things or do catastrophic damage. Counselors, teachers of the Word of the Lord, must be especially careful because we incur a stricter judgment (James 3:1). Let us consider a few of our speaking opportunities.
To the Lord
Jesus’ substitutionary atonement allows his children to call him “Father,” (Rom 8:15; Gal 4:6) he “tells us that he will give good gifts,” (Matt 7:9-11) and promises to work in our lives “until the day of Christ” (Phil 1:6). Thus, we come boldly (Heb 4:16) casting our cares on him because he cares for us (1 Pet 5:7). We know we do not have because we do not ask (James 1:5-7). So, we do. We pray asking the Lord to help us in our weakness, comfort us in our sorrows, and do remarkable things around and in us. But we also come with a proper fear. We know the father’s discipline (Heb 12:4-11). While we cry out to him, there is a difference between expressing our heart and being mean, rude, or dismissive. We guard our tongue because our words to the Lord matter.
To our family and close friends
We encourage our family and friends (Eph 4:29) because we want to build them up using words that fit the moment. We tell our spouse and children that we love them, care for them, and will be a safe place for them even in sin and disobedience. We correct and rebuke like a good father or mother (Prov 13:24) because we fear where unchecked foolishness will lead. We know that our friends matter because we need them (Prov 18:24). We know that our words build relationships, and they tear them down. Words create meaningful friendships; and they divide even the closest families. Couples struggling in their marriage often believe that communication is a major problem. We are careful how we speak because words matter.
To our Counselees
Our words matter to our counselees. We believe that we must listen to our counselees (Prov 18:13) before we give guidance. We even must be careful not to assume our counselees view of a situation is accurate (Prov. 18:17) because we have all been deceived. We know there may be other perspectives of the situation that may help us understand the situation more completely.
When we speak, we know our words matter. We pray our words are well received (Prov 25:11) and that they honor the Lord. We want to admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, and be patient with everyone (1 Thess 5:14). We want our speech to be with grace, as if seasoned with salt (Col 4:6) so that we can be wise. We know some suffer at the evil hands of others, while others are the very perpetrators of that evil. We want, before the Lord, to get it right. Our words to our counselees matter to God and to them.
About our fellow servants
I doubt anyone is surprised by what I wrote. In each of the previous examples, we were talking to someone. What about when we talk about someone? Do the same rules apply?
We have various levels of unity and agreement in our relationships. We are exclusive in some relationships (e.g., marriage), semi-exclusive in others (e.g., “children” is a term we also apply to spouses of our children and possibly friends of our children who we treat as if they are our own), and more open in still others (e.g., who we might consider a Christian and therefore a brother or sister in Christ).
In all these relationships, each person believes certain things for reasons. Our spouse might not agree with everything we think or believe. Our children may hold a conviction that we do not hold. We believe that everyone should study and then be convinced in their own mind that their path is honoring to the Lord (Romans 14). As a Baptist, individual soul liberty is one of our values.
What happens when we disagree? When does a disagreement produce a reason for name calling and labeling? Can a person be wrong without being a New Testament false teacher? Peter warns his readers of false teachers (2 Pet 2). He instructs them using strong terminology (“deny the master who bought them” v. 1, “the way of the truth will be maligned” v. 2; “keep the unrighteous under punishment for the day of judgement” v. 9, “unreasoning animals” v. 12, “springs without water” v. 17, etc.). Do those who believe in infant baptism call those who do not “false teachers” in the 2 Peter 2 sense? (Or vice versa).
When do we move from coming alongside a believer as Paul did with Peter (Gal 2:11-14) or Priscilla and Aquila did with Apollos (Acts 18:26) to treating the person like a wolf (false teacher) – a danger to everyone around?
These questions exist in our homes, ministries, and movements. The choices we make and the words we speak (or write) matter. If we choose the wrong approach, then we may contribute to godless division and allow the true danger to remain.